Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
