Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
