i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This house was built for laser tag.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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