That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
