I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
