Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
