it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
