I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
