he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
