I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
