I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
