Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
