i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
