sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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