I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
