Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
