grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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