let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
