i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
