So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
