Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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