The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
