I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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