Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
