Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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