well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
