That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
