Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
