i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
