Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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