if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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