Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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