I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
