Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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