Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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