I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize