Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
