you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
