it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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