apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
