Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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