i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
