It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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