She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
