I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We are two peas in an std pod
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
