Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
