I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
