I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
