you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
