so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
