4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
