I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
