why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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