mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
