He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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