I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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