Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
