I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
