Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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