plz talk dirty to me
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
