That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
