i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
