I wish I could punch you in the face.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
