wake up i wanna do it froggy style
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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