I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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