The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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