i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
