yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize