Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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