the day after is always just damage control
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We had sex on a dog bed..
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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