This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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