This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
