She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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