ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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