Having a random hookup so left but love u
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
