Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
