PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
