i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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