I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
...so i touched it.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
