did you get engaged???
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We are all done wearing pants today
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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